All alone again. My husband went away for a guys' weekend. He left Thursday afternoon and came back late Sunday afternoon. He left again this morning, this time for work. He'll be back Thursday evening.
I don't mind really. It's nice to have the house to myself.
My biopsy is scheduled for Saturday. It's a little odd to have a Saturday appointment but my doctor said he would be out on Friday so I could do it either Thursday or Saturday. I chose Saturday so I wouldn't have to take time off from work. I'm waiting to hear back if I can get my yearly stuff done at the same time. I've been avoiding going to the office and cancelled my appointment I had scheduled back in February so I wouldn't have to sit in that waiting room with the pregnant women and huge bellies. I hope the waiting room on Saturday will be big-belly free.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how last year this time I was not going to work and was being medicated for depression. I don't think the meds helped at all. I've been feeling so miserable lately it's like I'm in the same place I was last year. Truthfully, I've discussed this with my therapist and feel like I didn't really need to be on short term disability for depression and not working for nearly 2 months. That may be the case, but I think it really opened my husband's eyes to the pain I was (still am) in. I sort of feel like I'm on the verge of another break down. It's all hinging on this biopsy. I might just flip out if they can't find anything wrong. I have to believe with every ounce of my being that there has to be something abnormal going on with my body (aside from APS). Especially after this last loss (Septimus - my 7th pregnancy) when I thought I had done everything right.
Parts of me still can't believe this is my life. This shit happens to "other people". But to other people I'm one of those "other people".
6 years ago
4 comments:
I guess I'm one of those other people too - I can't ever wrap my head around the fact that this is my life, and because these are my problems, they become my husband's as well.
sigh. Hang in there, girl. It's about all I can say. I'll be thinking of you on Saturday.
Me too Shannon, it took eight pregnancies with nine babies to have my two living girls. It's been a nightmare really. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that they find something out for you. BTW, I found the biopsy to be very painful, have you got someone to drive you home? Hugs
I'll be thinking of you on Saturday. This is definitely not a situation where "no news is good news" applies. You need answers. I really hope you get some.
Wifey, that makes it sound like your husband would be having a perfect life if not for you. I wouldn't say that is true. The way my husband talks, this is just a speed bump in the road of our lives. It's a crappy speed bump, but hopefully it will be over at some point. I always read that 40% of IF is due to the woman, 40% due to the man, and 20% is unknown, so don't take all the blame yourself.
Margaret, my husband is coming with me and the nurse said to take 4 Advil an hour before my appointment. She said that it's not much different than the HSG. I took 2 or 3 Advil before that and it wasn't so bad. I hope it's about the same. :/
Heather, I hope I get some answers too. Thanks.
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