My doctor responded to my email:
Hi Shannon—
I was serious about what I said in the office. The road to medicine is best paved with meaningful life experiences—those are what make doctors more than just number/data crunchers. You’ve been through a lot, and your first-hand experiences would add something to your ability to care for patients that getting a 4.0 at RPI never could, and I think that admissions committees for medical schools know that. That’s not to say that you don’t have to work hard and master unbelievable amounts of material in order to get through medical school—but you take it one day at a time and just do it. It’s obviously not a decision to make on the spur of the moment, but none of the challenges of getting into and finishing medical school are insurmountable or there wouldn’t be any doctors. It’s also not all a bed of roses when you’re done—it’s a lifetime of hard work and demands, but many, many women do it and have families at the same time, so it’s possible, and it’s also a very rewarding career. I wouldn’t worry about the feeling faint around injuries—that’s common and basically you just get used to it.
Hang in there—the future holds good things for you.
Even though I sent that email to him saying I thought it wasn't a great idea I've still been playing around with it in my head. The comments I got helped too. :) I'm looking into my options and what I would need to do so we'll see where this leads me. (I need to sing the "Confidence" song from "The Sound of Music"!)
Last night when I was getting ready to go to sleep I was talking to my husband about all this stuff and a scene from a movie popped into my head. It's sort of a stretch to apply it to my situation but I thought it was interesting. It's from the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" staring Diane Lane. Just for some background (bear with me, I'm going from memory) she's an author who finds out her husband has been cheating on her, she gets divorced and then friends put her on a bus tour of Tuscany, while she's there she buys a house and starts fixing it up. She meets this eccentric (English speaking) woman there and in one scene this crazy lady gives her some advice about meeting a man (since she hadn't been with anyone since her divorce). She said "when I was a little girl I use to run in the fields to try to catch ladybugs and I never could catch any so I would lie down in the grass and fall asleep. When I woke up I was covered in ladybugs." Of course the author woman had no idea what she was talking about so the crazy lady yells at her "just go write your book and forget about it!" (Forget about getting laid, that is.) So of course later she finds this hot Italian guy and they make passionate love and the author woman is glad she's still "got it". She finds the crazy lady in a piazza eating ice cream with a table full of nuns and says to her "lots and lots of ladybugs" then walks off with a big smile.
Applying that to me, I've been so focused on monthly cycles and tracking symptoms and I haven't had anything to focus on or put my energy toward aside from baby making (I use to be involved in lots of church stuff and diabetes fund-raising walks). Not that I think med school would be an easy distraction, but I feel like I've been putting a lot of stuff on hold waiting for a baby to pop out of me. My husband's always said I should work as if I would never go on maternity leave. Unfortunately (fortunately?) engineering doesn't seem the place for me to do that. I've been thinking for a while what else I could do and school was always an option but now I think I'm at a place where I can act like I have all the time in the world to pursue a new path. Not that I'm giving up on having a baby. But I can't stand still anymore or like Heather said in her comment "tread water". And if I do get pregnant and it sticks and a baby comes along 9 months later I can reevaluate at that time. But right now it's time for a fresh start.
Lots of people say "things happen for a reason" and I like to think about different crossroads in my life and how things could be so different if I hadn't made the choices I've made. So while I think it's great that I started working at my current job because otherwise I would never have met my husband, I might not have ever gone into engineering if it wasn't for my cheating high school boyfriend. So even though it sucked that he cheated and we broke up, down the line something good came of it. So like I said yesterday to my therapist maybe this is the good that will come of Isabella's death.
I think that would be an amazing tribute to her.
6 years ago
2 comments:
Yes, Definitely it would. I do think everything happens for reason and sometimes we might never know what it is or don't find out until many years later...which I know sucks. I definitely think it is a good thing to put your mind elsewhere. It is so hard for us not to focus solely on conceiving but some how we need to find a balance. It would help with stress and feeling fulfilled. I know it is so much easier said then done because I tend to put everything off just in case. I need to stop doing that. Good luck to you in whatever you decide. It sounds like the dr gave you good advice.
You sound the most positive and uplifted in this post as you have in months.
It would be an amazing tribute to Isabella. I also think, that after the frustration of TTC and miscarriages and losing your babies, that it would truly awesome to put your energy into something where what you put in will be what you get out. School is great for that. You've really worked so hard at having a baby that you should have a houseful of kids by now. As we all know, we can't control any of that, which is the frustrating part. If you distract yourself for awhile with school, or a new job, or whatever, those are easier to control and you will get out of it what you put into it.
4 courses, right? Go ahead and take them. Study for the MCAT. Gear yourself up. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Someday you could mean the world to another babylost mom and, wow, wouldn't that be a wonderful way to honor your lost babies. Or maybe you'll specialize in high-risk or fertility or something like that which would also be really cool.
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