A Few Changes

I changed the format of my blog, I didn't like how squished up it use to be. I think this looks better all stretched out.

I also changed my "what am I doing here..." blurb on the side bar. I really do feel that way.

I am mom to Isabella and Sean, this is just about the only place that I really feel comfortable talking about them.

And when I thought about it more, I almost wanted to say more there, but then it would just be a big run on, so here's my post:

I feel like I live two separate lives. There's the Shannon that pretty much everyone knows, the one that seems ok, seems to have it mostly together. Then there's the babylost Shannon. I feel like no one knows her. I feel like I hide her from nearly everyone in my non-blogging life because I don't think others can handle it. I know my in-laws can't handle it and I know some of my oldest friends can't handle it. So while losing Isabella and Sean were two very life changing events for me, I don't think I've let many see those changes.

I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of not wanting to offend people, I'm tired of feeling like I have to have a long drawn out converstation with each and every person that I might choose to tell about my babies. Not because I feel like they need all that information but like I need to justify myself. Like why should I still be upset about it, as if "it" wasn't a big deal.

Like Carol said, sometimes you don't have the emotional energy to take care of other people. I feel like by going about pretending there's no babylost Shannon, I'm worrying too much about taking care of other people. That no one would want to know that Shannon, like that Shannon is too much of a mess to be let out of the house.

I feel like I should come out of the babylost closet.