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The bad news first: I had a second blood test today, it was only 7 mIU/mL, so that’s it I guess. I wish I knew why this keeps happening.

In other news we arrived at my in-laws on Tuesday afternoon and after dinner while we were still sitting around the table my f-i-l brought up that it’s been tense the last few times that we’ve been in and if there was anything that we needed to talk about that we should so we can clear the air. I was really surprised not only by him bringing it up, but by all the stuff my husband said to get across to them how they’ve made me/us feel. It felt really good to have my husband back me up. We seemed to leave it that we would both make more of an effort to talk about Isabella and Sean since it’s always seemed to me that they were extremely uncomfortable about it.

As part of that conversation they asked if anything was wrong or if we’d considered adoption and we said other than my blood issues we’re doing everything we can. So after a group hug (sort of lame, but nice at the same time) I whispered to my husband that he should tell them the news. So they were happy about it but we also said it was still early and I had another blood test coming up. We haven’t told anyone else, so I guess we don’t have to now.

The next morning I talked with my m-i-l some more and after being able to gather my thoughts from the night before I was able to say a lot of the things that I didn’t get to say at the dinner table. So I felt a lot of relief from that.

But now I feel so disheartened. I feel like I should be crying, but I’m not. I feel dead inside.

Numb.