Wasted Weekend

This weekend was almost a total waste. I didn't get anything done and it's no suprise because I'm so unmotivated. My weekend started Thursday night because I have every other Friday off from work. Thursday was also my anniversary with my husband. We've been married 4 years now. It really sucks that we don't have kids yet. We stayed home and had a delicious meal and ate way too much. Then as with birthdays, every family member imaginable called to wish us a happy anniversary. I can think of other things I would rather do on my anniversary than talk to everyone in my husband's family all night on the phone.

So Friday, even though it was an off day for us, my husband went into work to get a presentation ready to send out, it was due out that day and truthfully I didn't mind him not being home so that was ok. Although he didn't get home until 7pm. So I watched some TV off the DVR that I hadn't gotten to watch yet, I watched a movie, I read some and took a nap. And I also did some laundry.

Saturday was half lazy, half busy. My sister and her boyfriend came to visit and we all went to Tanglewood for the Prairie Home Companion show. It was hot and sticky and it rained a little bit, but we've seen a lot worse on the lawn at Tanglewood so that was ok. But yet again, I didn't get anything done.

Sunday morning we went to Mass, then grocery shopping, got home and had a small breakfast then at noon I took a nap... until about 3pm. I did more laundry, cleaned up the kitchen a bit and had leftovers for dinner and then it was time for bed. Back to work this morning.

It seems like during the weekend, I don't feel like doing anything, I'm tired from the week, it's too hot and I don't sleep well, I'm just cranky in general. Then this morning comes and all I can think about are all the things I should have done. All the little projects that I should have worked on. Fixing the screens on the back porch, tons and tons of work in the garden (jungle), cleaning out the tupperware cupboard, washing the litter boxes, cleaning out the garage, and the list goes on. I put vinyl tile in the bathroom back in February and I thought then that I would finish painting the trim when it got nice out so I could open the windows and not have the paint stink in the house. When is that going to get done?

I guess I'm just tired of being tired all the time. I don't remember the last time that I had a really good night's sleep. I think it was before my husband and I shared a bed, not that he's not nice to snuggle next too, but it's not the same as having the bed all to yourself, no one to wake you up in the morning or for middle of the night blood tests. Then there are the cats. Ever since Sasha died on November 4, 2005 we let Katie sleep with us, they use to both be locked in the basement at night, which is furnished and has comfy places to sleep. We didn't want Katie to be alone that first night and we were so sad and wanted to have her close to us. So she sleeps by my shoulder which isn't much of a bother to me, but it's a bother to her if I have to get up in the night to use the bathroom. Krista is the replacement cat. We got her in April 2006 so Katie would have a buddy, but there was no replacing Sasha. Katie hates Krista, that's another story. Krista had her own room for a while until she was more familiar with our house and the location of her litter box, then she started being locked in the basement just at night. Now she sleeps with us too. It was rough for a while because she's still very kitten-like and doesn't sit still for long. Plus Katie would hiss at her if she got too close. The sleeping part isn't too bad, it's the getting up in the morning. Katie wakes up when the sun comes up, which isn't a problem in the winter, but with the sun rising at 5:20 this morning, and it actually gets light out earlier than that, she wants to get up and get scratches and snuggle under the covers and yell in our faces and purr. This is all very cute on a work day when the alarm is going off anyway, but not on a weekend when you want to sleep in.

Sasha and Katie were sisters and always very snuggly.

Krista knows not to get too close to Katie.

So long story short: How do I get more sleep and get more stuff done? How do I get motivated again? I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything in the last couple years. I'm so stagnate. I can't let go of the notion that Isabella should be here right now. She would have been 9 months old today. I can't let go of Sean, and that I should still be pregnant with him. I would be in my 21st week by now. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start. How sad is that when I'm 30 years old?