Avoiding a Baby Shower

There was a baby shower on Sunday that I didn't go to. My husband's dad's cousin's daughter Kasey (did you get all that) is due in August. I called to give my regrets a few weeks ago saying that my husband and I would be getting back from our vacation that day and I wouldn't be able to make it. I really wanted to say that I wouldn't have gone even if I could have made it. I'm really jealous but I don't think they would understand. We talked to my husband's grandparents Sunday night his grandmother brought up the shower, saying it was catered and how Kasey had a belly. All I could say was that's nice. After some silence they changed the subject. I had actually forgotten about the shower with everything going on during vacation and traveling home and being exhausted so I was blindsided when she brought it up. I'm glad that I don't have any immediate friends or even acquaintances that are pregnant, that would be so hard. It's just hard to not think about Isabella and Sean, there are reminders everywhere. On vacation there were babies all over the cruise, all over Bermuda, a couple my husband had met through an online forum that would be on our cruise had two children at home, one adopted after 4 years of infertility and not wanting to risk IVF and one that they miraculously got pregnant with during the long drawn out adoption process. I'm glad they have their two babies. I just wish I had mine.