A Poem for Isabella

I wrote this poem last year a few weeks after Isabella died. As part of my fumbling around trying to find the best way for me to express my grief I've done a lot of reading about pregnancy loss. I've looked at a lot of websites and many of them had poems. They inspired me to write my own. I've never been much of a writer, it was always my worst subject in school, but the poems I have written seem to be during the hardest parts of my life.

What is harder than this??

Isabella

When I was pregnant with you
I had so many plans
What we would call you
How our lives would change
Buying you diapers
Buying you clothes
Fixing up your room
Taking you home
How the summer would fly
How busy we would be
Waiting for your arrival
Waiting patiently

All my plans were lost
The day that I lost you
Holidays will be different
Because I won't have you
No one else will see
How the love in me had grown
I won't have you there with me
To gently hug and hold
I won't have you here with me
Just a memory in my heart
There's an emptiness inside of me
Now that we're apart

When I was pregnant with you
I was happy thoroughly
Before the news got out
My secret grew in me
I couldn't wait to tell you
How much by now I knew
My love for you was growing
I love you through and through

On a sunny day in May
I learned something wasn't right
I could not believe I'd lost you
I cried all through the night
I'll never see you smile
I'll never hold your hand
I'll never see you married
This isn't what I planned

My baby girl, my angel
My Isabella, my love
I'll always be your mother
Watch over me from above.

-Shannon, May 31, 2007