Reflections

There's a woman in my A&P class who sits behind me. We've exchanged greetings on occasion and some small talk but yesterday I had a lengthy conversation with her about school and career goals. I recall back at the beginning of the semester she mentioned something about going to school and juggling her 2 small children and she said to me, "have them when you're young." I'm not completely sure of her age, but I'm guessing she's mid-forties. Class was starting so I smiled and nodded but thought to myself, "that's easier said than done."

But yesterday in our lengthy conversation I made sure to work in my reason for being in school and my multiple losses. I even showed her the pictures I have on my iPod touch of my ultrasounds. She told me about a friend of hers who had also had multiple miscarriages and then saw a doctor in New York City who helped her to carry to term. The woman in my class had her babies by IVF.

I looked him up, checked out his website, read reviews about the book he's written and decided I would call. NYC isn't that far away... no worse than driving to Boston. I have an appointment in July. I could have gotten an appointment in June, but my own scheduling limits me to certain days. They are sending me appointment information and a return envelop so I can send all my medical records for him to review before my appointment. The consultation is a whole hour! Time spent talking to me and my hubby instead of looking over blood work results.

Check it out for yourself!

I know I said I gave up mostly on getting pregnant, but after this last pregnancy I feel like I should either try in a way that is active instead of passive or really give up by means of some form of contraceptive. (I've decided "birth control" is a misnomer. My body does that naturally, I would need something to prevent conception and therefore prevent my hopes from later getting dashed.)

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I emailed my old therapist yesterday asking if I should make an appointment. I feel sort of ok, but I worry that I might be kidding myself and find myself a few months down the road curled in a ball, quivering and sobbing and wondering where this grief smackdown (as Wifey calls it) came from. So in an effort to be proactive about averting disaster I have an appointment tomorrow.

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I bought a new purse today. For some reason it's making me happy.