Baby #9

I hope everyone understands why I didn't post that I was pregnant. I was tired of saying it just to take it back. Not that this is any easier. 

This is what happened:

I started my period on January 20th, no different than any other month. Didn't chart, didn't test for ovulation. Didn't really try. The last time my husband and I had sex was Valentine's Day. I had no expectations. I was busy with school.  I completed and submitted my grad school applications in the last week of February.  My EMT course started in the beginning of March.

I hadn't had my period yet so my doctor sent me for a blood test on March 5th. I was literally shocked to see a positive result and not only that but a whopping number: 628

Of course they like to see a trend so I returned on March 8th and got the results: 2635

I know better than to get my hopes up but this seemed promising. But I was already upset. I felt like this one would work out and all my school plans would get messed up. (I guess I don't have to worry about that now.)

I was scheduled for an ultrasound on March 19th. The day before my birthday. The measurements were off but I know I ovulate late. But we saw a fetal pole and heart beat: 120bpm. I was dated at 5w6d, due date 11/13/10. 

My doctor suggested another ultrasound to see my progress. I went at 3:30 on April 8th. Two years to the day when I had the ultrasound that showed Sean had no heart beat. It was the same thing all over again. At least this time the tech didn't suck so there was no pretending. I got the story straight.

The growth was good, measured 8w3d for it being 8w5d. Its tiny heart had only recently stopped. 

I went home broken hearted and defeated again by my own body. 

I didn't take my lovenox shot on Thursday or my progesterone suppositories. So it's just a matter of time. I could have a D&C but would rather not. And my doctor said if I don't start bleeding and pass tissue soon then he'll give me misoprostol. I doubt it will come to that. 

So here I am again. It's hard because this is the longest I've been pregnant in 2 years. 

I didn't think I had gotten my hopes up but apparently I can lie effectively to myself now.