Time Slipping By

I have an appointment next week to see a specialist. I wish it was sooner. I really hate the passage of time, I feel like life is slipping by me.

I talked to wonderful Carol on the phone last night. Even though I cried for most of the conversation it was really nice to listen to what she had to say and how different it is from what others say to me.

Originally we were going to talk about what I would need to do to start a group in my "middle of no where" city. And we did a little, but mostly we caught up on all the awfulness that has been going on. It was nice to be validated and not argued with. (Thanks again, Carol, it meant a lot to me!)

It feels like a bit of an overwhelming undertaking, but I need to do something with myself. I don’t know if it’s just that it’s crappy winter, the general downtrodden-ness of my life lately, hating my job, having no causes since the American Diabetes Association pulled out of our area and my church closed in July and I did so much for both. Not to mention that I really truly don’t have any friends. I have a couple people, but we don’t talk that often and they live far away. And one of them told me outright that I’m a super big bummer. I don’t really have anyone local. I know I need to work on that. I’ve just been living my hermit life with my husband and 2 cats for so long I’ve forgotten how to be social. But really I just need something to distract me from my reproductive woes. I’m tired of being sad all the time, I’m tired of crying. I can’t even remember what I was like before ALL THIS happened. I can’t remember what life was like, back then. That’s how long this has been going on. 876 days to be exact, since we first started trying to get pregnant.

So maybe if I started a group I could find people who understand me, who’ve been in the same place I’ve been. Maybe I could make some new friends that live closer than an hour away. Because were I live, it’s an hour to anything.

With time slipping by so fast an hour is precious.