Stressed Out

I just got back from seeing my hematologist. He had me get blood work done: 15 vials! He wants to "make sure" I have APS so we can go from there. Basically he wanted to start over again and get all new tests done. That's fine with me. (He's actually a different doctor than I saw 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Sean. My very cool teacher at my local community college recommended him to me.)

I have an appointment with a fertility group next Friday. Even though they have IVF in their name they supposedly deal with recurrent miscarriage as well. The hematologist basically said if my problem really is my blood stuff then there's no reason for me to see an RE or anyone else. I guess we'll see what the results are but it won't be in time to cancel my appointment with the fertility folks so I'll just go, even though it's 2.5 hours away and a pain in the ass because who wants to be anywhere near Boston on a Friday afternoon.

Needless to say I cried a bunch in the doctor's office. It's not like I can't talk with a straight face about all this shit, I'm in rare form lately. I'm so stressed out right now. Damn you, o-chem! I feel like I'm perpetually in a state of anxiety. The tears are always right at the surface. Amazingly my blood pressure was 106/54. Pretty low considering how jacked up I feel.

I don't think we're going to "try" this month. My husband is leaving again for business a couple nights this week and then made plans to visit a friend on Friday night. It doesn't matter I guess. I think I actually study more when he's here but it shouldn't matter if he's not. I just miss having him around. He's my part time husband. :(

I feel so sad and lost. I don't think the reason is very clear cut which makes it even harder to deal with. I just wish it would go away.