Caught Off Guard

It's been a while since I've written. I haven't had much to say, I really haven't been doing much other than watching a lot of the Olympics. Last Wednesday was my last day at "partial". Thursday I went to Albany to go to Sam's Club and LLBean and get sushi. Friday I went back to "partial" for a couple hours to finish the puzzle I was working on before I left. It was of Van Gogh's "Starry Night" and it was super hard, the puzzle pieces were all very weird shapes and sizes.

I'm sad that partial is over, I really connected with some of the people there, but their time was up too so I wouldn't get to see them if I stayed.

My husband got back Friday night after being away all week so we had a relaxing weekend and snuggled a lot. Yesterday I did a lot of stuff around the house. I cleaned up the furnace room in the basement and the spare bedroom that was collecting a lot of junk. I took a bunch of stuff out to the garage to put out with the trash this week.

Today will be a lazy day. I slept horribly last night and when I did sleep I had really weird dreams. I have an appointment with my therapist at 11, and that will be the extend of my excitement.

Oh, interesting thing before I forget. My husband and I drive to the end of our street so we can go for a walk in the neighborhoods there since our street is a little busy and doesn't have sidewalks. On Saturday we were walking and a family was making its way on the sidewalk toward us, they had a couple little kids on small bikes or big wheels. I said hello to the woman not thinking much of it and then her husband came into view. He was hunched over a bit leading one of the small bikes so I didn't see who it was until I was five feet from him. It was my OBGYN. I knew he lived somewhere in that neighborhood, but I didn't know where exactly and with the hours I assume he works I never expected to see him out walking. I said hi quickly and we kept going, of course it would be weird to stop and talk to him, so it's just as well. I felt really caught off guard, and it strangely brought back to the front of my mind all my pregnancy issues. I wished that I was pregnant at that moment so badly. I feel like such a failure. I was jealous too, there he was with his cute little kids on their cute little bikes, and me with two dead babies. Seeing him so randomly on the street was all I could talk about the rest of the day. I wondered if he told his wife later that he knew me, but then maybe his doctor/patient stuff would prevent him from even saying that. Part of me doubts he gave me a second thought.