So, it's been a while. A lot has happened in the last month. I've been seeing a therapist again after my melt down in December. I'm not convinced it's really helping but like in the past it's nice to have the hour a week of just me time.
I think the majority of the reason for my meltdown was the feeling it was coming at me from all sides. Pregnancy announcements and births all around. The jealousy monster got the best of me.
With the holidays past things settled down and I feel better. I had planned on trying again this month so I took clomid. I didn't tell my husband just to relieve any pressure from him, but did "jump" him on the appropriate days. It's now day 26 and don't feel like anything exceptional is happening. I wish that I would have miserable morning sickness as a clue, but I've never felt anything other than a twinge of nausea and the occasional metallic taste in my mouth. I thought about testing tomorrow morning just so I could get in for a blood test before the weekend but we're suppose to get a big storm overnight and into the morning so I probably wouldn't even go out. But then why waste a test. Even if it was positive, I couldn't even begin to hope or dream that it would work out.
Why would it now?
6 years ago
4 comments:
It's good to hear from you again. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, even if it's only for "me" time, as you said.
I hope that things surprise you this cycle.
The crazy-craptastic thing about infertility and loss is that we somehow have glimmers of hope through it all. (Some days more than others.)
Don't sell yourself short---the fact that you're on Clomid again, tells me you have some hope, even if just a smidge.
It is OK for you to feel whatever you need to feel! Despair, anger, etc.
Thinking of you...
Glad you posted again. Thinking of you and hoping this is your magic cycle. I know how hard it must be for you to have hope after all you've been through.
love to see you post Shannon. Hope is a 4 letter word, you know. Sometimes I feel like it's just there to fuck with us. But I totally hope that you're wrong and that this would be the perfect time for things to work out!
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