Running out of Cheeks

Something came up at my meeting on Tuesday that I hadn't really given much thought to before. My husband's sister is getting married this August and he has said that she will probably get pregnant right away, or at least be trying right away. So it made me think, what if she gets pregnant and has a baby before we do. How much is it going to suck when everyone refers to that baby as the first grandchild? I told him later how I thought of and talked about that with the woman who came to my meeting. He said there's nothing I can do if that's what they say. I realize that there's a chance that I will get pregnant in the months before the wedding and may in fact "beat" her or that she might not conceive as quickly etc, etc. I also wonder how it would go if she had a miscarriage (not that I would wish it on my worst enemy) but I bet it would be a completely different story for them to see their own daughter go through it, I wouldn't assume that they learned anything from dealing with me. But if it does happen that she gets pregnant and I'm not, I'm going to make it clear to my husband that he should tell his family how I feel about who the first grandchild is. It's Isabella. Thinking about it now I find it patronizing that my f-i-l wanted to have "the talk" back at Christmas time but they still refuse to acknowledge Isabella and Sean by name. So I'm probably just setting myself up for more disappointment. And making myself a little crazy in the process. :(

Thinking more about it, I think if that does happen and they behave as expected then they shouldn't be surprised when things are "tense". It will just further reinforce for me that they were patronizing me with the little talk we had back at Christmas. We visit my in-laws considerably less than we did in the years before I first got pregnant and I can only see that amount reducing further if those things transpire. I realize that it hasn't happened yet, but I'm getting so angry just thinking about it. I think that's what frustrates my husband so much is that he thinks they have apologized to me over and over and I suppose that is true, but because we aren't around them all the time it has never sunk in. That or I have serious issues accepting someone's apology. My husband and I had a long talk in the days after this last loss and extended family issues always rear their ugly head. He thinks that because of all the crap my dad put me through is why I can't accept an apology and would rather write someone off as I've done with him. In the case of my dad I feel ok about writing him off because of the years and years of misery he put me, my mom and sister through. I don't have that luxury with my in-laws and aside from this one (albeit major) point, they're not that bad. When I talked to my old priest a year or two ago about what to do about my dad (who at the time was trying to weasel his way back into my life) I was surprised that he thought I should run in the other direction as fast as I could. Surprised because that doesn't sound like the Catholic and supposedly forgiving thing to do. He said "sometimes you run out of cheeks". So that makes sense to me and reassures me that you shouldn't have to go through life dealing with people who treat you like crap. If my husband's parents' "beliefs" that a baby isn't a baby until it's born (yet the opposite is true in the case of abortion) and they continue to dismiss the existence of Isabella and Sean then I think I've run out of cheeks. It's too big of a deal for me to let it slide.

If you expect someone to behave a certain way and they do, can you still be upset about it?