The first week of school was great, so far I'm enjoying my classes. I just need to keep on top of things and I'll be ok. I have a few new instructors this semester and so far they're pretty cool. I do miss my bio 2 instructor from last semester, she was super cool. I'll have to make a point of stopping by her office once in a while to catch up and say hi.
It's weird to feel so happy about school, but I'm also slightly overwhelmed with the undertaking and I feel bad about my husband's stress for being the sole provider, but also sad about our prospects for a family. I feel like the ship has sailed on that part of our lives.
I like to read the comic "Zits", for those of you who don't read it, it's about a teenage boy and his parents. Today's Sunday comic was really cute and actually made me tear up a bit. It's sad to me because I feel like I'll never have that. The adorable little boy or the surly teenager.
(I had to insert the actual comic because the link no longer works....)
I think a big part of why I haven't posted at all in the last few months it that thinking about these things makes me sad. It's hard to be sad and happy at the same time. I feel guilty when I'm happy and then disappointed in the course of my life when I'm sad. (But then also grateful that I'm not still stuck in a job I hate.) I don't want to forget about my babies but I don't want them to be an iron weight I must constantly bear.
I wondered the other day when the day will come that people stop asking us when we're going to have kids. Has it already come?
I'm wondering now if writing a blog about sad things really is so cathartic after a certain point. Is there an end to the tears that could be shed over these losses?
2 comments:
I am feeling the same (except not going to school). I feel bad that I lost my job and hubby is the sole provider but so happy that I am not in a job that i hate! I am glad that school is going well. I hope that soon we both find peace no matter what road we have to travel (I know this is so much easier said then done). ((HUGS))
For me blogging is my outlet no matter my emotions. Sometimes it has sad or angry tones, other times it is happy or is just chronicling my life. For me, this is "cathartic." Perhaps as you work through your emotions the tone of your blog will change too? You have to find what works best for you.
YAY for school going great. And awesome that you found instructors you connect with. :)
LOVE the Zits comic and was actually thinking of posting it before reading your blog.
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